It
seems today like just about every movie is only one part of a bigger
project. But should they be? I’ve long felt that the
prequel/sequel/quadruple sequel game is a dangerous one to play (I’m lookin at
you Babe: Pig in the City) and it has
tainted one of my favorite films of all time Pirates of the Caribbean: The
Curse of the Black Pearl. Before we
go into how disappointing it was to see the announcement of a fifth (as in just
before 6) installment, let’s go back into the sands of times and reminisce on
why POTC 1 was such a great film.
I still
remember how eerie the opening scene felt as Governor Swann, Lieutenant
Norrington and sweet, sweet Elizabeth pulled a young Will Turner from the
wreckage of a pirate attack. The film
was instantly gripping and held your attention the entire time, not unlike I
would hold Kiera Knightley close to me for a lifetime if ever she decided it
was I she loved and no one else. The
film had such a dynamic balance of thrilling action, witty humor and a love
story we could all buy into. For that
entire summer people were either in love with Kiera Knightley, Orlando Bloom,
Johnny Depp or that HUGE pirate that says “Say goodbye!” and then gets hit by a
sign (those BICEPS). And while the film
focused on a curse that probably couldn’t actually happen (I’m not gonna say
never), the whole Aztec-gold-Gods-are-super-mad-at-us story was just too
awesome not to roll with! If you've
never found some treasure or relic in the woods and not wondered what curse it
carries you’re a liar and we can’t hangout.
Also one of the greatest film scores of all times ever #jamstojamto.
Great
movie. Introduced me to new emotions (Thanks,
Kiera) and made me think HARD about being a full-time pirate (like the
swashbuckling type, not the Captain Phillips type). These are all good things.
And
then they made three more. I’m gonna be
real with you, I’ve seen each of the next three films 4-5 times each and still
don’t really know what even happens.
THAT’S A BAD THING. They flooded
the market with all kinds of new characters, new curses, old blood debts to be
paid and bad jokes. Like, in POTC2 we
discover that Jack has to join Davy Jones’ crew or get eaten by the kraken ‘cause
Davy helped Jack get the Black Pearl back afloat (it’s OK if you didn't remember
this). HOW WAS THIS NOT EVEN TOUCHED
UPON IN THE FIRST FILM? Jack is always
talking about how stoked he is to get his ship back, but just casually forgot
he’s written his soul away?
WILL TURNER
So
Jack, how stoked are you to get your ship back?
JACK SPARROW
Pretty
stoked mate! Because a ship is freedom
and stuff, you know?
WILL TURNER
Oh Will Turner knows! You’re
probably gonna sail around for a long time, huh?
JACK SPARROW
I mean probably just a year or
so. I actually have to go join up with
another undead crew of the damned and be a servant for Davy Jones or he’ll feed
me to his pet kraken. That’s why I’m
really gonna live it up this summer.
WILL
TURNER
Oh... I wish you would have mentioned
something…
NOAH
P. BOGGESS
ME. TOO.
Also. I know the whole basis of the film is supernatural stuff going down, but the fact that Captain Barbosa shows back up
kind of removes any connection or investment you have in any of the
characters. I mean even if they die,
there are probably multiple options to bring them back from the dead. Call up the crazy lady who’s actually a
hurricane, sail your ship as far as you can and turn it upside down, rip your
own heart out and put it in a box-I’m sure you’ll be fine. The
first film worked because it’s like, those dudes can’t die, but now they can,
and they will from here on out, so no more rough-housing. It seems like the driving force behind the
rest of the movies was just getting as much Johnny Depp on screen as possible,
and turning out the biggest profit margins they could.
To sum it all up, great film, awful
series. Though I was excited to see all
the sequels and there were a few cool moments (Keith Richards was an
entertaining touch), it would have been better to just have a clean break after
one. But who knows, maybe Pirate of the Carribean 5: Dead Men Tell No
Tales will make the previous three installments worth it. Although I’m already confused because there
have been a significant number of tales told by dead men thus far in the series…
So. Do you agree or
are you wrong? Comment below!